


You're coming back (and it's the end of the world)

by herbatamalinowa



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, anyways guys im gonna snap, episode 159 spoilers, please read the note before preceeding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 10:40:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21160322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herbatamalinowa/pseuds/herbatamalinowa
Summary: "Martin" he said, voice strained from speaking for the first time since a long time. "Martin" he said again and again and again.





	You're coming back (and it's the end of the world)

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER - This work of fiction has been in making since 17.10.19 when episode 158 came out. It's how I invisioned things to play out directly after it and coincidentally a big part of my fic matches with what actually happened in episode 159 (@jonny hire me)  
I originally posted it yesterdays night but decided to delete it since I didn't want to accidently spoil anyone (even though it actually doesn't contain real spoilers since I differed from how things ended up)

You're coming back  
And it's the end of the world  
We're starting over  
And I love you darling  
And I am done, dear

-Mitski, "I want you"

There was someone with him, he thought. There must have been someone, someone angry and annoyed and so deeply,deeply unsatisfied. But he couldn't remember who it was.

Martin thought it was suddenly too quiet. Too large,too empty,but he realized that he couldn't find any sort of comparison. Was this wrong? Was this strange and unnatural? Martin thought so just a minute ago, but now the thought seemed to wash away from him in the fog.

  
  


Jon couldn't see. In his dreams, those very rare ones not filled with trauma and guilt and blame, these ones where darkness would envelop him and stop the flood of seeing, of knowing, he could find a bit of comfort. There was nothing comforting about this. It felt as if the vast emptiness of sickly, bright light was burning out his eyes.

It hurt. It hurt so badly, his whole body burning up, head splitting. He fell to his knees,hands desperately clutching his face,trying to put a barrier between himself and the nothingness.

As his fingers pressed against his eyelids he realized he had yet to open his eyes.

  
  


It was kind of comfortable,actually. Calm. Peaceful. Martin tried to think about what used to distress him so much before. He couldn't remember what it was. He felt a little dizzy when he tried to think about it too hard. He sat down, unsure what to do. It really felt nice now, so he went with it,lying back,letting himself be cradled by the nothingness.

  
  


It was excruciating, looking at it, feeling it. Knowing it. Not much of it, just bits and pieces, shapes with their sheer-like shadows dancing in the corners of his naked eyes. It made him want to stop trying, made him want to give in, let it just do what it wanted to do with him, get it over with, but he knew, really _knew _what he was here for, so he kept moving forward.

  
  


He looked at his hands. They were unfamiliar. It made him nervous for a bit. He tried to remember his own face,tried really hard even though he didn't want to. He tried to remember his name. It made him feel bad, so he stopped. He found that he didn't like feeling much.

  
  


It felt like his mind was about to spill out, wild thoughts of the massacre going back down in the Institute, of Elias cackling as Jon leaped through the door, of Basira and Daisy who he had to left behind. Then came the voices,quiet at first, then louder and louder, still whispers, but overlapping so much that it was hard to make out what they were saying. They sounded pitiful,Jon thought. Lonely. Jon thought of Martin, of his loneliness and isolation, of the way he was avoiding him all this time, no matter how desperately Jon wanted to connect with him. Jon thought about the way it made him feel. Jon thought about how it made Martin feel.

It became clearer then,he noticed. The voiced synchronizing just slightly. Jon thought of Martin and Martin only and suddenly there was a shift.

  
  


He fell asleep,maybe. Maybe not. It was hard to tell at this point, but there were images and they were strange. Black hair with white streaks, messy and long. Circular scars. Dark under eye shadows. Was it his face? Must have been. He was alone now,so he always must have been. He tried to look down at his hands but they were hard to see because of the fog. But it didn't seem right. It lacked something. It lacked scars. He fell asleep again. Maybe.

  
  


Jon thought about the start of their relation,back when it was still strictly professional,indifferent. The condescending way he used to treat him,how he would annoy him. He thought about all those cups of tea left on his desk,made just right but cold by the time he gave them any mind. He thought of the accusations and the relief. About the caring and bread knifes. About a kind of braveness he shamefully had to admit he never expected. About the soft,warm hand over his own,cold and lifeless. About the one sided conversations that he wished he could take part in,the goodbye that he couldn't hear so he couldn't reject. He thought about the fear he felt when he woke up, when he wasn't by his bedside and it seemed to obvious that he would, that for a moment dread bloomed in his heart when he was sure that Martin was gone.

Then he saw him again and there was a wall, an unbreakable barrier between them,"_Please don't find me again"._

There was also trust,so he tried to listen but then there was hope,the way to end it,to leave, to reconnect, be together, the end of passing the same hallways but never in time, always alone. Hope of something new,something beautiful, worth the pain and the price.

Jon thought about the bitter laughter that sounded a little bit too much like a sob. The soft and quiet " _I hope so"._

He realized that he'd been mouthing something the moment it left his lips.

"_Martin_" he said, voice strained from speaking for the first time since a long time. "_Martin_" he said again and again and again.

  
  


It came like a wave,the sudden knowledge. His name was Martin.

His name was Martin and he was alone,but there used to be other people, ones he cared about.

Martin brushed a stray lock of hair behind his ear. It felt weird,he noticed, when his fingertips brushed against his earlobe.

A tingle on sensitive skin. It felt weird. It felt wrong. It was just him, his own touch,it shouldn't feel like this, it shouldn't feel at all, but when Martin cautiously put his hand against his cheek he remembered the scar.

It was born of broken glass or of a knife,or of a too hard slam against something, too hard to remember these days, but it scarred badly,leaving a trace of misshaped tissue on his ring finger. It felt familiar, like the soft clinging on his wrist. "We could leave here. You and me. Escape."

It felt wrong. Inappropriate. He slid his hand into his hair, fingers messaging his scalp,tangling in his hair. Then, slowly, down his neck. It wasn't at all the same, so insignificantly familiar,the texture wrong, skin mostly soft, nothing alike the rough, burned flesh or the dry, long, bony and scarred fingers.

Not at all similar,Martin thought, tracing small circles on his face. Not at all.

  
  


"_It's no use_" was the first full sentence that Jon was able to make out of the cacophony of voices in his head. “_It's not worth it”._

He turned around but there was no one there.  _“Founding him won't do you any good,Archivist”._

“_Who are you?”_ Jon cried out, _“Where are you?”_

“_Hah...I'm everywhere”_ sounded out and Jon realized who's voice was taunting him.

“_Where is Martin!? What have you done to him?”_

“_Nothing he wouldn't enjoy, Archivist, and you know it.” _Peter's voice was cold yet Jon was able to make out a bit of humorless laughter in it.

“_Shut up! You're lying!” _Jon looked around in panic, sure that Peter would appear from the fog at any minute.

“_Am I,though?”_ Then a pause. One that was way too long. _“Can't you just believe that he's happy here? Safe. Comfortable. No entities out here, no danger, no fears...no particular self destructing half-monster toying with his heart...”_

Jon swallowed, gulp in his throat.

“_Well, not that it would really matter anymore. Actually, isn't it so anticlimactic? He's not in love with you anymore,do you know that? You've had your chance and you tossed it. Now your heart is being toyed with. Doesn't it feel just awful?” _Peter chuckled. _“Doesn't it feel lonely?”_

It was quiet after that. Jon bit his lip. He suddenly felt very exhausted.

  
  


Martin felt anger. He didn't know where it was coming from, it just appeared out of nowhere and it was burning him up from inside. Subconsciously Martin knew that something bad was happening at this moment,that something important was being taken away from him. Something that he thought he lost a long time ago, but in reality was still with him all this time. Something that had driven him all those months. A reason.

And suddenly Martin remembered.

“_Jon!”_ he shouted into the void. 

  
  


He heard him. He heard him and he knew where he was, so Jon run. The voice was strong and loud as it was calling to him and every time Jon heard his name he tried to go a little faster, up to the point that it wasn't just in his head.  _“I'm here!” _ he breathed out.  _“Martin,I'm here!”_

  
  


He was a mess, wild hair, outstretched arms and hungry eyes transfixed on him. Martin laughed and then when Jon's arms closed around his frame Martin sobbed.  _“Is it really you?”_ he asked, tears streaming down his cheeks. Jon clung to him with his whole body.  _“Yes.”_ he said.  _“Yes, yes, yes”._

  
  


Jon pulled away but only slightly, looking up to Martin's face. His fingers traveled all over it, soft touches on his brows, his cheeks, the corners of his mouth.  _“Martin”_ he said.  _“I love you”._

Martin shivered and laced his fingers with Jon's, putting his palm to his lips.  _“I...I know. I know, Jon” _ he said and it felt true.  _“I love you too”._

They inched closer, eyes slowly closing. When they opened them up again they were back in the archives.

**Author's Note:**

> so anyways guess who became a tma patron yesterday and since then has been feeling an emotion tm and hating it  
Please leave a comment I'm actually very lonely  
Come scream at me on my tumblr! It's szpetota.tumblr.com


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